All the joints ache, walking is unsteady, the stomach gets upset easily, there is no interest for new adventure, and isolation is a comfort because age has crept in on cat’s paws and now envelops one. What was once a case of paranoia, is now the fear of realizing and acknowledging what one can no longer do.
I feel my husband has lost his adventuresome spirit.
Most of our life was filled with adventure and we traveled and lived in many interesting places. He no longer seeks adventure and at times I believe he has given up. He needs a new interest, something to get involved in and to stimulate his mind. We have been discussing a new book and its possible scenarios, but nothing has really taken hold of him and set him on his way.
He reads the news, listens to the TV news and weather report, does the crossword puzzles, plays bridge online, checks his rain gage every morning to send his report to CoCoRaHS (Community Collaborative Rain, Hail, and Snow network), and plays solitaire on the computer to pass his time at home. He does do the family grocery shopping which, at least, gets him to think outside of himself and gets him out of the house a few days a week. I feel the daily news and the crossword puzzle are downers and just draw him deeper into his lonesome pit.
An experiment at adventure
Everyday, I try to get him interested in something to read or do. Yesterday I suggested we go shopping for faux flowers for the two decorative lanterns we have on the hearth. He drove me to Wall-Mart and I went shopping. He was there in body but not in spirit. He walked slowly leaning on a shopping card because his knees hurt. There was no smile on his face, no look of anticipation, no lilt in his voice. I had failed again.
We only drive to stores that are near to us and that we have been to before. If we are referred to a new doctor, we need to consult the Google map to know where we are going. Even knowing where we are going, we have that little bit of fear in our stomachs until we get there. When he is unsure of himself, I always think of what ifs. What if we make a wrong turn? What if we are caught in traffic and are late? What if we have an accident?
I have to be more forceful in getting him involved in the world outside of the house. If I do, will he accept my prodding or will he crawl deeper into his depression?